Actress and filmmaker Ruth Kadiri has urged young couples not to give in to societal pressure to host lavish weddings, cautioning that the pursuit of impressing others could place unnecessary burdens on their marriages.
In a video shared on her Instagram page, Kadiri noted that many couples overlook the mental, spiritual and financial stress associated with elaborate weddings, adding that the pressure can extend into their married lives.
She said, “I do think that big weddings put pressure on couples; it puts pressure on the marriage itself. Big weddings put pressure on people, and they don’t seem to have realised that. They don’t seem to have realised that because I’m not just talking about spirituality or anything; I’m talking about mental health.
“Do you know that people have a phobia, a fear? People naturally fear what marriage is. But they could date, they will date this girl, love her, be with her every day, every day, every day and then after this whole damn ceremony, have you asked yourself what changed? Married, that wedding is part of what changed.”
The actress, who has been married for seven years, said she speaks from experience.
According to her, avoiding a flamboyant ceremony contributed to the stability she enjoys today.
“Do you know that this kind of things ehn, sometimes it takes you like six months to realise that you are married. When you have your event like this, later after, it be like okay, na true I don marry oh, na the marriage be this oh, na him be this that we dey so, wow. But when you put yourself under too much pressure, this desire to… I never had that kind of marriage, I didn’t, and I feel like it’s part of why I’m successful. I’ve stayed this year; I can categorically say I’m successful because I’ve seen people marry for two months, then divorce. So me I don dey, I’m like seven years now so I can say I don try, I don try oh”, she said.
Kadiri advised intending couples to keep it simple. For traditional rites, she suggested inviting a few family members to sit in the parlour and pay the bride price. For the white wedding, she proposed a 30-guest court ceremony, a pastor’s prayer, and then going home.
“So I do want to encourage people, young people, go to your father’s house, your mother, your father, your uncle, two, two people carry from inside, mother and father, two people, pay the bride price, go home. Want to do wedding, carry yourself, invite 30 people, go to court, from court come back home, call pastor, let him pray, drink wine and sleep. E go be like say you do birthday party”.
She explained that such simplicity helps couples ease into married life without debt or anxiety.
The mother of two also linked lavish ceremonies to spiritual vulnerability, claiming that some couples struggle to have children after their wedding because of persons they invited.
“No, don’t play. Nigeria puts too much pressure on us. Engagement, court, white wedding, traditional wedding. People generally feel that if they don’t go through this process, their marriage will not work. People, you put yourself out there for people to poke. I’m telling you, some people who got married haven’t even been able to have a child because one bastard, forgive my language, who they invited to that marriage has done them like this. My sister, carry your bag, go home,” she added.
Beyond weddings, Kadiri broadened her advice to include societal and parental pressure. She urged parents to stop pressuring children to succeed quickly and bring money home.
“This generation now, I need you people to change a lot of things. One thing I want you people to change is the pressure parents put on their children to succeed and bring money home. I promise you, this generation needs to change it.”