Mr Emmanuel may pass for the ‘everyday human’ with roots and ancestral lineages if you come across him. Nothing about him suggests otherwise. But deep down, he carries and bears pains of doing life alone from the day he was born. Had the Good Samaritan who showed up to time and saw him in an unbelievable vulnerable state as a newborn not emerged, Emmanuel may have well not survived and likely ended up like many past cases of abandoned new babies.
Despite the early travails of living his infantry and formative years in the orphanage and later being adopted and subsequently released to the streets by his foster parents when they later had their biological offspring, Emmanuel has chosen to rather let go of the past and tell his story to as many that are willing to listen not for pity but for inspiration.
Now in his 40s and married with five children, he evangelizes in public vehicles particularly on the Igando-Iyana-Iba-Oko-Afo axis of Alimsho and Badagry local governments in Lagos. Two of NewsClick Nigeria’s reporters have at different occasions boarded a public vehicle where he shared his emotional story and later had a one-on-one exclusively interview with him opening up on how he found healing and strength coming to terms with his identity as a man with no known parents, families, informal/formal education and even his family life now as husband and father of five lovely kids.
NewsClick Nigeria’s Shenayon Alagbe met up with him delivering this lengthy but emotional read. Excerpts below:
Can you take us back to the beginning of your story?
Yes, by the grace of God, my early life was not that sweet, actually. It was not good enough.
Because in every orphanage, there is always a record of how children were picked. If they were picked from the dustbin, they record it. If there is no name attached to the child, they will give the child a name.
Then there is a ceremony, as pastors always come here to pray, to bless the children, and so on. Those who were brought in as babies, their names and the way they were picked were recorded in a file in case of future reference.
By the grace of God, how I got to discover that I was adopted was not when I was in the orphanage home. It was during the period when I was about to be adopted. That was when I discovered I was adopted.
The people who took care of me were like parents to me. They gave me everything. I didn’t feel I was adopted. I had freedom of speech. The environment was free with the children. We played, we ate, and whatever people brought, they came in to give us gifts and pray for us before they left.
So they made us understand that we were at home, so we would not feel abandoned. I was still young and did not know what was going on. But I thank God for everything.
When did you first learn that you were adopted as a child, and how did you feel when you first found out?
By the grace of God, after my adoption, they took care of me. They gave me everything.
I first discovered I was adopted when the woman took me, when she adopted me. When she took me, that was when I started hearing her always talk about it with her husband.
She gave me a parlour space, so I always slept in the room with them. The parlour was not that fancy. They were caring at first, but later the woman kept telling her husband, “I regretted adopting. If I had known, I would have had my own child. I wouldn’t have adopted a child.”
Those words were always ringing in my ears because they kept coming out of her mouth.
Then I had to ask a neighbour. By then, I was seven years old. I asked the neighbour, “What is the meaning of adoption?” And I was told. I was not happy, actually. I asked myself, “Does it mean I was adopted?” I was not pleased, but I kept it within me.
Growing up in an orphanage without the love and presence of a biological family, what was the experience like? What was the emotional trauma?
Well, there are some things I regretted not being given as a child, which were absent.
Family, one. Freedom of speech, two.
As a child, every child should have freedom of speech. For instance, if I wanted to ask for snacks, maybe among the younger ones, I would say, “Please buy me snacks.” The moment those words came out of my mouth, I would be scolded.
“Who is your mother? My friend, go and meet your mother.”
She was that harsh.
The love got cold. The care disappeared. I was like an island.
Sometimes I would feel lonely. Sometimes they would come and try to comfort my loneliness.
The love disappeared. That warmth disappeared.
Every little mistake, I would be scolded, to the point of a beating, to the point of having scars.
This made me understand what a child experiences without the love of a father or a mother.
Sometimes I would call the man and tell him, “Mummy hates me.”
I was not trying to make them know everything. I was just trying to keep it to myself and give myself the confidence that everything would be okay.
But I thank God. God saw me through that period.
When you were adopted, what did it mean to you as a child to finally have a home of your own?
The difference was that, when I was in the orphanage home, we did not have the right to turn on the television.
We did not have the right to ask for what we wanted to eat. Whatever they gave us was what we ate.
You did not have the right to decide what you wanted to eat.
When it was time to sleep, you had to go to bed.
If it was time to do something, you had to do it.
That freedom was restricted.
But we had time to play. When we came out to play, it was like everyone came out together.
When I was adopted, I had the right to watch television.
I had the right to sleep early and wake up at any time.
I had the right to play with the toys around me.
I was free because the love was there. There were no restrictions.
So I was like, “Wow.”
I was welcomed. I was happy.
I loved them because of that.
They took me away from memories of pain, the beatings, and the scolding.
I was relieved.
That was the difference in the experience I had.
You mentioned that things changed after your adoptive parents had their own children. What was that experience like, and how did you cope with the fear of rejection?
When I was adopted, I noticed the love was there.
But after some time, things changed.
I started fetching water, washing plates, cleaning the ground, and doing things a child of my age should not be doing. I was forced to do them.
I was forced, even as a young child.
Sometimes I had to wake up very early in the morning. Sometimes they came around nine, sometimes ten.
I was careful not to let the man know what was happening.
If I dared to complain, I would be beaten.
There was brutality, to the point of slaps and beatings, for disobedience or for failing to do one or two things properly.
The pain was there.
When I first found out that she was pregnant, I was happy.
But after some time, she changed her attitude, and it became unbearable.
Sometimes I would be forced to stay outside as punishment.
Sometimes I would sleep on the floor as punishment.
Sometimes she would say, “You won’t eat today.”
Out of fear, if I accidentally broke one or two plates, I would be punished and denied food.
Things like that happened.
Before then, I didn’t wash plates. She did the washing.
Before then, I didn’t go around doing errands.
She would buy the things she wanted to cook herself.
But this time, I had to fetch water. There were taps outside, yet I still had to fetch water and even put water in the fridge, at my age.
To me, that was punishment.
As time went on, I realised it was punishment because the man later found out what was happening.
She would say she was training me.
Then I knew it was not training.
It was punishment for failing to do one or two things.
That is all.
After leaving your adoptive home, what kept you going during those difficult periods? And when it seemed like you had lost hope of belonging, what encouraged you to keep moving?
Quite frankly, I didn’t speak on this part before.
I did not return to the orphanage home. I was not taken back there after I left the house.
After she gave birth to her first child, we all knew that before you started school, your hand had to touch your ear.
My hand did not touch my ear until I was over six years old, when I was supposed to start school.
The man gave her money for my schooling, but I did not go. I had to wait until the child was born.
When the child, who was a boy, was born, I was asked to stay at home and take care of him while she went out.
So the opportunity to go to school was not there.
Later, when I eventually started school, things continued.
The man was aware, but his wife kept saying there was too much work around the house.
That was during the period I was supposed to be in school.
When the man tried to stop her, she said she would poison me if he continued to interfere.
So I left the house.
I had nowhere to go.
I stayed in an uncompleted building.
There was a woman who noticed me. She would sometimes talk to me and give me things because she knew that, at my age, I had nobody to care for me.
When she asked me where I came from, I told her, “Nowhere.”
When she asked about my parents, I said I didn’t have parents.
She was not happy.
Many times, she took me to the police station.
The police asked me questions.
I told them I had no parents.
They could not believe it.
I told them my uncle, my mummy, and my daddy had travelled.
Eventually, they allowed me to stay with the woman for some time until God gave me divine help.
One particular rainy day, while I was crossing the road and everywhere was flooded, a Muslim man saw me and started asking me questions.
I narrated everything I knew about myself to him.
He took me to the police station.
From there, he became my guardian.
That was when I began to understand life, even at that tender age.
How did you survive after leaving home, and how did you overcome the challenges?
After about nine to ten years, I began to learn plumbing work from him.
I started learning plumbing.
After about two years of learning, I was given a company to go and serve as an apprentice plumber.
I served in that company for seven years.
From that period, I became 17 years old.
They gave me a place to stay with other boys, and I continued learning.
I was taken care of. I was paid regularly, and life continued.
For three years with the company, the man kept the money for me until I got to the age of 20.
Then they rented an apartment for me.
I started life as a man at the age of 20.
My sorrow was not really much because the money was there.
Whatever I wanted to buy, I bought.
Whatever I wanted to do, I could do.
I had a place to lay my head.
I didn’t have much to worry about. I had no anxiety.
I would go to work, come back, and sleep.
Whatever I wanted to buy, I bought.
When the man came once in a while to check on me, that was it.
- Despite not having formal education, you learned how to read and write. How were you able to overcome that challenge, and what does that say about your determination?
When I encountered the Lord, it was on a Sunday.
I was invited to a church.
They showed a programme called “Born Again” and “Born Again with Christ.”
So people, including housemaids, came out.
The pastor prayed for me and for everyone who came out.
I went there like a normal person, just like someone going to a cinema.
At a point, fear came over me.
I began to hate myself because of some things I was doing, including smoking.
I learned how to smoke.
That was when I began to talk to myself.
The man who took care of me was a Muslim man, but I started talking to him about God.
I began to learn things about God.
Most of my friends were Christians, and being in church did not give me a sign of religion; it gave me freedom of choice about religion.
I would go to church once in a while, go to work, and continue my life.
But I began to have visions.
I saw myself preaching.
I saw myself analysing.
The first time, I saw myself in a praise bus, and someone gave me a Bible.
Secondly, I saw myself in a video where I was brought to the front row to sit.
Thirdly, I saw myself in a palace, shaking hands with a king.
These things happened because I told the pastor that I believed I had a calling from God.
Despite not having formal education, you learned how to read and write. How were you able to overcome that challenge, and what does that say about your determination?
But I did not have the ability to speak English.
I was not speaking English. I was only speaking broken English like a normal person.
The English was not there.
I was asking myself, “How can I present myself?”
Because I didn’t go to school, I started thinking about how I would communicate.
I started going for classes because I did not feel fit.
It became so intense that I told God, “God, take over.”
I met the pastor and shared everything with him.
I prayed countless times until one day, God loosened my tongue.
Someone spoke some words, but the English was not correct.
Suddenly, I corrected the English.
At first, they thought it was not correct, but when it happened two to three times, the pastor said the English I spoke was correct.
I said, “If that is the case, that means something is not right.”
So I told the pastor that I would worship in that church.
He gave me books.
He gave me a grammar book.
I started studying.
That was how I began.
By the grace of God, I would go to primary schools after school hours. They would write on the blackboard, and I would copy it down and take it to friends around me.
They laughed at me.
That was how I was learning, trying to improve my English.
By God’s grace, I was able to improve.
I cannot say I am perfect, but I was able to speak better.
My priority is that when I meet people, I listen with my ears to what they say.
I was able to correct myself even at this age.
So I can still say I am not perfect, but I give God all the glory.
Looking back at the abandonment, rejection, and difficult experiences you went through, how were you able to overcome the trauma and avoid allowing it to define your future?
I would say that I am in Christ, a new creature.
All things have passed away, and all things have become new.
Now, I am working and earning a salary.
I am going to church.
I have given myself to the Word of God.
I believe that God is able to do all things.
A message my father-in-law preached says that God has a reason for everything, and it is for you to allow God to fulfil that reason.
He used Jeremiah as an example.
God has His reason.
So I told God that my destiny, no matter what, whatever you are using me for, let me fulfil Your purpose.
I did not give up because sometimes the past flashes back, but I focus on the process and the work of God.
I thank God that from that day, I connected to the Word of God.
At what point did you encounter God personally, and how did your faith help you find healing and purpose?
As I said before, I encountered God when I was invited to a programme in a barrack in 1994.
Yes, it was in 1994.
I encountered God inside an army barrack. I was invited there, and that encounter gave me a turning point.
That encounter made me understand that only God can make everything possible.
How has my past experience, my background, and everything I went through affected me as a father?
My experience has affected me as a father.
I tried to ensure that my children do not go through what I went through.
What message do you have for children in orphanages, and how do you encourage them to focus on the future?
I have had too many opportunities to speak.
Whenever I am given the privilege to talk, I don’t just stand by myself to talk. Whenever I am given a place to speak to them, I talk to them about myself.
I encourage them about God.
The only thing I want them to know is to trust God.
Whatever you want to be, you need to trust God and believe in God.
He knows your past and your future, and only God can make everything possible.
I always use the Word of God to encourage anybody.
I don’t see an orphanage as a place of helplessness because there is God.
God is a parent. God is a father.
So I talk to them as I would talk to a parent because whether you have a father or you don’t have a father, whether you are in an orphanage or not, your destiny does not depend on your parents. It depends on you.
The Bible says, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.”
If you see yourself as a failure because you don’t have parents, you cannot succeed.
If you see yourself as someone who has a brighter future, even without parents, you can succeed.
All that matters is the grace of God.
That is all.
I thank God for who I am today.
I thank God for what He has done for me, and I appreciate it.
My brothers, my children will not suffer.
The grace to fulfil every other expectation, the Lord will honour me, the Lord will honour them, and so shall it be.
Thank you so much, sir.