Last week, social media exploded with a debate that was equal parts hilarious and eye-opening: ‘Nepo babies‘ vs. ‘Lapo babies.’ At first, it looked like harmless internet humour memes comparing kids eating jollof rice in luxury restaurants with those eating eba on plastic plates.
But beneath the laughs was something deeper. It tapped into global anxieties about privilege, parenting, and what success really means in an unfair world. Let’s break it down.
What Do ‘Nepo’ and ‘Lapo’ Even Mean?
“Nepo baby” is shorthand for “Numerous Endless Privileges & Opportunities.” These are children born into wealth, status, or connections, kids whose parents open doors for them without them needing to knock. They’re enrolled in elite schools, land internships before graduation, and have safety nets to catch them when they fall.
“Lapo baby” stands for “Little Access to Privileges & Opportunities.” These are the hustlers, the underdogs. The name is a tongue-in-cheek nod to a Nigerian microfinance bank, symbolising scrappy beginnings and financial grind. Lapo babies grow up learning survival skills early, from walking miles to school to mastering skills on outdated tech devices. Their journey is steep, their margin for error tiny, but their resilience is unmatched.
Why the Debate Resonated Globally
This wasn’t just a Nigerian joke. The debate struck a nerve worldwide because it challenged the myth of pure meritocracy. We love rags-to-riches stories. But let’s face it: no one chooses their starting line in life. Privilege can sometimes provide a significant head start.
If you’re born into advantage, you may not even notice how many invisible ladders you’re climbing. And if you’re born into struggle, society often blames you for not climbing fast enough. As Chimamanda Adichie said, “Privilege blinds because it is the nature of privilege to blind.”
This viral moment exposed a raw truth: effort matters, but access matters more.
Parenting in the Age of Privilege and Pressure
One reason the Nepo vs. Lapo discourse resonated is that it prompted parents to reflect on their own experiences. If you have the means, of course, you want to help your child. But how much help is too much? And if you don’t have those means, how do you still empower your child?
Wealthy parents may unintentionally smother their child’s agency by over-managing their lives, lining up career paths, and shielding them from failure. Meanwhile, parents with fewer resources may offer freedom by necessity, but lack the time or access to provide guidance and exposure.
Research shows the best parenting style combines support with autonomy. Be involved, but don’t script your child’s entire life. That means letting them struggle in safe ways and being emotionally available regardless of your financial status.
What the Labels Don’t Tell You
Not every Nepo baby is entitled. Not every Lapo baby is hardened. And success or failure isn’t always a reflection of effort.
Four dangerous myths come from ignoring these nuances:
- Hard work always guarantees success: It doesn’t. It’s necessary, but not enough if access is the missing piece.
- Success equals merit: Many successful people had significant help. That’s not a crime, but pretending otherwise is dishonest.
- Struggle equals virtue: Hardship can build character, but it can also cause trauma. Not all Lapo kids want their pain framed as a heroic origin story.
- Your fate is fixed by birth: Yes, birth matters. But so do choices, mentors, and moments of luck. Determinism is a trap.
So, What Can Parents Actually Do?
If you’re raising a Nepo baby, the goal isn’t to pretend privilege doesn’t exist. It’s to help your child recognise it and use it responsibly. Talk about access, teach gratitude, let them fail in low-stakes environments, and encourage them to help others climb.
If you’re raising a Lapo baby, look for every free or affordable opportunity, mentorships, community programs, and online courses. Affirm their voice. Celebrate small wins, ensure they understand that their value isn’t tied solely to economic success.
For both parents, the target is balance (Give them roots and wings, a safety net and the space to fall).
The Bigger Picture: Systems and Stories
We can’t ignore structural inequality. No amount of hustle can replace good policy, fair hiring practices, or quality education. Suppose we really care about giving kids a fair shot. In that case, we need to make access to mentorship, internships, and quality schools less dependent on family networks.
Culture also plays a role. Let’s stop glorifying outcomes and start praising growth. Children who supports their families by learning a trade, or mentor others have succeeded, too. Let’s broaden our definition of success.
Beyond Nepo and Lapo: Building a Culture of Empathy and Agency
Ultimately, this debate is about more than just kids. It’s about how we define success, how we distribute opportunity, and how we raise the next generation.
Let’s teach Nepo kids that privilege is a tool for good, not a license to coast. Let’s show the Lapo kids that their worth isn’t limited to their birth story. And let’s raise all children with a sense of agency: the belief that their choices matter, and that they are supported as they make them.
Because real empowerment isn’t about handing someone a map. It’s about helping our children build their own compass.
Adetutu Afolabi is a Personal Freedom Coach helping families build wealth through aligned values and intentional living. She believes strong relationships are key to lasting financial freedom