Former Big Brother Naija star and actor Elozonam Ogbolu has spoken out against traditional notions of masculinity in Nigeria during an appearance on the ‘In The Company Of Men’ podcast, hosted by Ikhane Akhigbe.
He challenged cultural beliefs that label activities like performing oral sex, cooking, or purchasing groceries and sanitary pads for women as unmanly, asserting that these actions do not diminish a man’s masculinity.
Elozonam also condemned toxic masculinity, encouraging men to be more compassionate and adaptable in relationships. He highlighted that acts of service—whether intimate, like oral sex, or practical—should be seen as expressions of strength, not weakness.
He said: “When it comes to certain things, especially things that men are not accustomed to doing, I think it screams toxic masculinity. Some guys think that giving a woman head isn’t masculine. It’s that weird. Serving a woman, doing things for a woman, going to buy the groceries, to a lot of very staunch toxic males in Nigeria, these things don’t constitute as you being a man.
“For instance, if your wife asks you to please buy her a sanitary pad, those men will question it. They will say it makes them feel uncomfortable. Why can’t you buy your mum or your woman a sanitary pad? Why can’t you go down on your woman? Why can’t you cook for her? Why can’t you do things that ordinarily, in the typical African or gender sense, a woman is supposed to do? You feel like it makes you feel less of a man if you do all of these things, but it doesn’t.”
He also highlighted how some women perpetuate toxic masculinity by romanticising or preferring toxic behaviors, citing disturbing social media sentiments like “a man doesn’t love you if he doesn’t beat you.”
Elozonam pointed out that these preferences, often rooted in upbringing or societal norms, fuel harmful dynamics, where toxic men and women enable each other’s dysfunctional expectations.
He said:“Toxic masculinity is still fueled by the opposite gender. You can be a toxic male who has grown up with a toxic father, who has learned all these traits, and you go out into the world with your toxicity and your hazardous materials and all that junk. And you meet women who, that is their fantasy, they can’t be with you if you are not toxic. They cannot stand you if you are not toxic because they are used to it. It’s what they use to measure how much you love or care about them.
“It turns them on. Or, you are a guy that meets toxic girls and automatically, you are wet. Some girls even say they can’t be with a man that doesn’t beat them. I have seen things on social media like, ‘The man doesn’t love you if he doesn’t beat you.’ How? Like, why?”
