Emotional abuse is frequently overlooked because you convince yourself that you are overly sensitive. Over time, you may begin to believe all of the negative things your abuser says about you, and that their abusive patterns are actually normal.
Having an emotionally abusive partner in a relationship can be especially difficult to identify. Not knowing whether your problems are typical of a couple or if you are being manipulated.
Emotional abuse can seriously lower your self-esteem, and in turn, has a negative impact on your mental health. It can make you confused about your ideas of what love is.
Abusive relationship signs can seem hard to identify in the beginning because love is brilliant – yet binding. If you think this is your situation, we have made a list of the warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
1. Raised Voices
It is natural for couples to yell at each other from time to time. We all have our own triggers and length of the fuze. Yet if you were in a healthy relationship your partner shouldn’t feel the need to resort to yelling within every discussion or disagreement. This is a red flag for a power struggle, as one single raised voice drowns out the other – what better way to shut down a point of view than being louder so they cannot be heard. Emotional abuse does not necessarily come hand in hand with physical violence but it does happen.
2. Overly Controlling
Emotional abusers will try to make you believe they know what’s best for you. At first, it will start with them being concerned for your safety, next thing they’ll be tracking your credit card purchases. Their controlling behavior, with even the slightest negative comment, can fill you with self-doubt, which can be debilitating to your independence. Their possessiveness of your time limits you, and can even make you unsure of what you really want to do.
3. Shutting Down
No one likes to be ignored. During a disagreement, emotional abusers will sometimes go mute – refusing to discuss things further. This can be heartbreaking if the topic is dear to you. not only that but they will go through periods of being distant or absent, even though they’re physically present. This can lead you to feel like you don’t matter or dispensible.
4. Dissatisfaction or disgust
A conversation in a healthy relationship should be two-sided and respectful. If contempt becomes a recurring theme in your relationship, it will cause unpleasant reactions such as loss of interest, sarcasm, name-calling, or egotistical retorts. Verbal abuse from a loved one, such as a romantic partner or a family member, is demeaning.
5.Statements that begin with “If, Then”
“IF you go out with your friends, THEN I will leave you”.
Some of us will roll our eyes at this statement. However, it can appear life-threatening to victims of emotional abuse. These threats are blackmailing intimidation tactics that go hand in hand with your abuser’s need for total control. Their goal is to limit your options and make you feel powerless.
6. Overly Defensive
Your conversations cannot flow smoothly if it is constantly blocked by defenses. Positivity can be achieved by being open and honest with each other. If you feel you have to constantly defend yourself over the battering then that s a red flag for an emotionally abusive relationship.
7. Unpredictable Moodswings
We all have tempers and off-days. But if your everyday lives are hindered by these moods it can be seriously confusing. This battering leads you to walk around on eggshells, hoping not to trigger an outburst. Often this type of abuser will reel you back in after they explode on you unnecessarily, showering you with apologies, declarations, gifts, and more.
8. Gaslighting
This form of verbal abuse is belittling, to say the least. This is where your abusive and intimate partner will attempt to make you feel like you are crazy, or the reason for blame. If you express an idea and experience even just the slightest put-down from your partner, they are psychologically manipulating you into thinking you were wrong all along. This type of abuse requires no physical force, it is a verbal type.
9. Loneliness
Emotionally abusive partners want you all for themselves. They don’t want you to be happy outside of their company so they try to convince you that your friends are against you, no one really loves you besides them, or that they are the only ones who will understand you. This is an isolating feeling which can be hard on your mental health. Over time you almost start to believe your partner’s niggling statements that you start to recluse, avoiding them altogether.
10. Guilt
Due to the gaslighting, victims of emotional abuse often believe they are the reason for all the trouble in their relationship. They are made to believe they are to blame. This is accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame at having caused this negativity between the two of you.
