Relationships can be like the ocean, with natural ebbs and flows that shift over time. It’s normal for couples to feel close during some phases and more distant during others. But how do you tell if this distance is just a temporary phase or if your partner is losing interest?
“The first step is to talk about it,” says Neena Lall, LCSW, MPH, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist. “Through conversation, you may discover changes you can make together to improve the relationship.” If you’re feeling emotionally distant, for example, intentionally spending more time together might help. “When there’s a rupture, working on repairing it can create a sense of safety and intimacy for both partners,” Lall adds.
However, if your partner seems genuinely disinterested, you could be sensing a larger issue. This is especially true if your attempts to communicate are met with stonewalling, defensiveness, or contempt, which are all signs they may have mentally checked out of the relationship.
Here are some signs your partner may be losing interest—and what you can do about it:
1. They Act Like a Roommate
A partner who starts behaving more like a roommate than a romantic companion may be losing interest. This could manifest as a “frosty” vibe, a lack of physical affection, or avoiding shared activities like cuddling or eating meals together.
What to Do: Try to reignite intimacy by asking each other what made you feel loved at the beginning of the relationship. Prioritize those things to rebuild connection.
2. There’s a Lack of Sexual Intimacy
If your partner was once very interested in sex and suddenly isn’t, it might signal a loss of interest in the relationship.
What to Do: Open a conversation about the changes you’ve noticed and express your concerns. Taking a break from sex could even help reignite the spark as you work on deeper relationship issues.
3. They Don’t Include You in Their Plans
If your partner starts making plans without including you or considering your input, it could be a sign they’re withdrawing from the relationship.
What to Do: Communicate that you’ve been feeling left out and suggest planning something exciting together to revive your connection.
4. You Attend Events Separately
If you used to attend special events together, but now your partner prefers to go alone, this could be a red flag of emotional distancing.
What to Do: Ask why they want to attend events alone. If this becomes a pattern, reflect on whether the relationship is meeting your needs.
5. They’re Moody Around You
If your partner only seems moody when they’re with you, it could indicate dissatisfaction with the relationship.
What to Do: Initiate a conversation about their mood using “I” statements, like “I’ve noticed you seem upset lately,” to encourage an open dialogue without sounding accusatory.
6. Conversations Feel Forced
If your conversations feel awkward or strained, especially outside of arguments or tough times, it might indicate emotional distance.
What to Do: Reassure your partner if they’ve recently opened up to you, but also address any ongoing tension that could signal deeper issues.
7. They Don’t Call or Text as Much
A drop in communication can signal a loss of interest, especially if your partner isn’t initiating texts or calls as much as they used to.
What to Do: Express your desire for more frequent communication and see if your partner is willing to make an effort.
8. They Avoid Talking About the Future
If your partner refuses to talk about future plans, it may indicate that they are unsure about the relationship’s future.
What to Do: Discuss your expectations and see if your partner is willing to commit to shared future goals.
9. They Don’t Support You
A partner who doesn’t offer emotional support may not be as invested in the relationship anymore.
What to Do: Provide specific examples of the support you need, like saying, “I felt really supported when we used to talk about our days.”
10. They Won’t Define the Relationship
A reluctance to label the relationship after several months could signal a lack of commitment.
What to Do: Discuss what you’re looking for and see if your partner is willing to meet your expectations.
11. They’re Less Affectionate with Your Pet
A partner who avoids your pet might be distancing themselves from emotional attachments in anticipation of leaving the relationship.
What to Do: Use this as a conversation starter to discuss the emotional distance you’ve been feeling.
12. They Don’t Try to Fix Problems
If your partner doesn’t make an effort to resolve conflicts or prevent issues from recurring, it might indicate that they’re no longer invested.
What to Do: Ask them if they’ve noticed a shift in the relationship and whether they’re still committed to working through problems together.
13. You Don’t Feel Like a Priority
If you feel like your partner isn’t prioritizing you, it’s important to communicate your needs and assess whether they’re willing to meet them.
What to Do: Stand up for your needs and, if they’re unwilling to make an effort, consider whether the relationship is worth continuing.
Ultimately, a partner who cares will be willing to work on the relationship. If not, don’t be afraid to walk away and prioritize your happiness.